Last Words of Sirius Black
by Aura Illumina
Summary: If I could have foreseen my death, which I was unable to do, thank gods, I would have left a letter..."


Dedicated to Sirius Black 1.6.2005

**The Last Words of Sirius Black**

_  
When I look back at it all now, there is only one thing, one moment, that I would have wanted to be different. I don't regret it, it wouldn't be my style, now would it? But if I could change it, without hesitation, I would._

After twelve years of lingering in the shadows, I managed to flee from Azkaban, and they ask me how I could stay sane. Well, it certainly was useful to be a dog every once in awhile, but most of all it was because I knew I had not betrayed anyone. Afterward, I thought I had betrayed myself, but ultimately I am not the only one; Peter is also responsible for that. Can you judge a man for trusting his friend?

I fell with my boots on, like a man who has never compromised his principles. If I could have foreseen my death, which I was unable to do, thank God, I would have left a letter. I would have left a letter to everyone whose path had crossed mine in a way that caused my life to change, that made me become a man, different from who I was before.

**Bella:** I can't help but see humour in the fact that you finally managed to get me laid. Cousin, dear, I am sorry that your beauty could never affect me the way you wanted, but I'm sure you will find consolation in the fact that you finally got me stiff. It's just sad that my whole body turned to a pry bar before your eyes, and not only the part you yearned for. And, alas, it could never give you greater satisfaction than triumph.

**Peter:** You may not believe me, but I do understand you. I'll never forgive you, but I could see from the very beginning what led you to do what you did. I'm sorry that you had to become who you are now. Oh, Peter, you left our gang to service a master who, at best, despises you. Was it worth it? If there's any man left inside of you, you'll do what's right. If you couldn't learn with us what friendship means, then learn it now: I trusted you; we all did. I suffered the punishment that belonged to you: twelve years of a man's life. And still, I believe in you.

**Severus:** When I think of you reading this, your abnormally large beak defying the laws of gravitation and casting a huge shadow over these words... Tut, tut, Snivellus, hold your horses. I doubt your curiosity will let you tear this letter apart until every word has revealed its meaning. Severus - I'm sorry. I want to apologise for being so invincible to you that you found it hard to even compete at the same level with me. I know this sounds arrogant, but what else would you have expected from me? We were so different. We should never have had started to fight over fruits of the same tree. You irritated me more than I ever could even describe, but that's probably quite unnecessary since the feeling was mutual. Anyhow, I want to tell you that I envy you. You live. You have walked many paths and chosen a very difficult one. I would never have been able to walk in your shoes.  
**  
Lily:** My darling. Forgive me. I am so sorry.  
**  
Remus:** I'm glad that there wasn't anything unclear between us anymore. I'll go now, but know that I'll always carry you along. Life didn't deal us an easy hand, but we continued, nevertheless. Wherever you go, I'll be there, because where there is Moony, there shines the Dogstar.  
**  
James:** My brother. I would have given my life for you, with you, but Lily got that role without our permission. You trusted me more than I deserved. My God, how I wish that for once I had let you decide, let you have the last word...

**Harry:** Finally, Harry, I wanted so much to say this to you face to face. I couldn't have been more proud of you, not even if you had been my own son. You once believed that I only saw your father in you and that, fundamentally, my affection was aimed at him and not the person you are. There's a grain of truth in that, because I loved your father more than I loved myself, but Harry, during the last few months I have learned more of you than you can guess. Unconsciously you invited me inside your soul and even though I don't claim to be a wise or perceptive man, I know that you are going to do great things. Not only because of the good your mother and father gave you, but because you have a golden heart. You are the one I wanted to be, and we'll meet again, when the stars allow.


End file.
